(Christmas) How will Christmas dinner be different after Brexit? No Brussels!

(Christmas) Why couldn't the skeleton go to the Christmas party? Because he had no body to go with!

(Pun) I just saw my wife trip over and drop a basket full of ironed clothes. I watched it all unfold.

(Misc) I told my wife to shave her pussy. I woke up bald.

(Pun) I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.

(Programming) Why do they call it hyper terminal? Too much Java.

(Dark) What's the most notable similarity between a pedophile and a roller coaster? They both make a child scream, but the first ride's never the last

Chances are if you' ve seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.

Dermatologists are always in a hurry. They spend all day making rash decisions.

I knew I shouldn't steal a mixer from work, but it was a whisk I was willing to take.

I won an argument with a weather forecaster once. His logic was cloudy...

How come the stadium got hot after the game? Because all of the fans left.

"Why do seagulls fly over the ocean?" "Because if they flew over the bay, we'd call them bagels."

Chuck Norris is your father!